Diet update

So, I've been dieting for 17 1/2 weeks. I'm very happy to say I've lost 31lbs.

I wanted to lose 33lb by next Wednesday so I'm right on target. If I don't quite make it I'll carry on until I do... until my 50th birthday on 3rd Aug at least. Then I will be eating cake! (but only a small piece)

Being Jen

All my life I thought I was flawed and bad. I told my psychologist once that there was something festering inside me that everyone could see and I could feel but I didn't know what it was or how it got there.

 A couple of years later he reached the diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome. From that point on my life started to improve. Gradually depression lifted as I came to terms with what and who I am. 

 Now I realise I have to be me and stop trying to be like everyone else. I let go of the people who don't allow that. I stopped trying to make people like or accept me. I decided if they can't like me as I am, I don't need them because that's when it becomes toxic to me.

 I've noticed people come to me now rather than me chasing them for companionship or friendship or whatever. I don't care if I'm sitting alone in the staff room and if nobody comes to sit with me, choosing other members of staff over me. I don't take that personally any more and therefore it doesn't hurt.

 I still struggle with my aspie traits but accept they're what make me who I am.

 I will be 50 next month and finally I am happy to be me.

It's all about routine!

Having Asperger's causes all sorts of problems for me, but knowing the reason behind these problems does make them easier to deal with... most of the time.

Going back to work after having 2 1/2 weeks off for Easter hit me quite hard. The change of routine again is always difficult but I think because I enjoyed the time away from work so much, going back was doubly hard.

Now add to that the upcoming change of routine at work and I'm heading for a dip mentally.

Our year 5s are off on a residential trip for a few days toward the end of next week which means I won't be doing my usual job of supporting some of the year 5s in numeracy in the mornings. Instead I'll be supporting (and possibly teaching) elsewhere. On top of that, the teacher I work with every day in literacy will also be going on the year 5 trip. She's a good friend as well as a colleague and has a good understanding of how Asperger's effects me.

Changes all round... and it's starting to get to me. My anxiety is building and today I've been feeling decidedly depressed.

I'll get through it, I have no choice. Maybe the thought of it is worse than the actual event, I'm not sure. I just wish I could duck out of life sometimes, when things become too difficult.

A little update on the diet.

My diet has been going really well. I even managed to stick with it over Easter, despite all the chocolate around the house and me winning a Ferrero Rocher Easter Hamper!!!!

So far I've lost 13lbs. Only one more to make it a stone. Right now I'm feeling really proud of myself.

Competitions

I thought I'd write a bit about my main hobby, entering competitions.

My friends and family know I like the odd competition, but most of them have no idea exactly what that means. Some of them like to enter the odd comp themselves but I don't think they realise the scale on which I work.

I call it work, because in a way it is like a part time job. I probably spend more time on comping than I do at my 'proper' job!

So, a bit about comping.

I use a forum: www.moneysavingexpert.com to find most of the comps I enter. There are literally thousands of comps listed there, far more than I could ever do. On top of that, there are comps posted on Facebook and Twitter. Some of which are listed on the forum, but a lot are not.

On an average day I probably spend about 5 hours+ comping, possibly more on weekends. I'm not sure how many comps that equates to over a week but I would estimate it's in excess of 1200/1500.

So do I win? The short answer is Yes. I do win and quite regularly. Is it worth it? Sometimes.

My first big win when I started around 7 years ago was a diamond necklace worth £1000. That spurred me on to entering even more and I was hooked. Since then I've spent more and more time on them. There are far more comps around now than when I first started, but also far more people entering them! I think the economy and high unemployment rates has meant more people are looking for a way to make a little extra money and those who are unemployed have more time to sit entering them so there's a lot of people entering each comp. It can run in the tens of thousands for each prize sometimes.

My biggest win was £10,000, from a can of Pepsi Max. I've also won Dickinson's Real Deal twice and I know a lot of people who have won big on the ITV competitions (see this list: http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=4393093&highlight=itv+winners).  Wins aren't guaranteed though, it really is down to luck most of the time (and a lot of effort and time). I use a form filler (RoboForm) which saves a lot of time. Some of the forms can be quite long so being able to click one button that fills the whole form it really helps.

Comping has enabled us to have holidays, nice things for our home, gifts for friends and family, days out, money-can't-buy experiences and at times has supplemented our income. But don't think it's a get rich quick thing because unless you're extremely lucky, it isn't. It takes a lot of time and effort.

So give it a go, but be warned: you'll soon be hooked. My motto is 'The only comp you can't win, is the one you didn't enter'.

Dieting!

I've always been overweight, ever since I can remember. As a teen I was a size 14, not huge but not skinny either. Once I got pregnant with my first child I piled on the pounds and it's just gone from bad to worse since.

Being an Aspie, I have huge problems with food. I get extremely anxious about trying new foods, foods which aren't on my 'safe' list. My diet is, therefore, quite limited. And those foods I do like tend mostly to be bad for me.

I've given up on the idea of ever being slim, it's not just meant to be and if I were to lose a lot of weight at my age, I would end up looking awful. I am of an age where I would just have lots of loose, saggy skin, not a good look. I would rather be overweight!

But... there's overweight, and there's overweight.

I lost several stone a couple of years ago, by eating better and exercising regularly. I felt fantastic. But then I became ill again with severe depression, stopped going out, gave up cycling and exercising and spent most of my time indoors. About the same time I had a prolapsed disc in my lower back. The disc presses on the sciatic nerves in both legs causing pain, pins & needles, numbness etc. So exercise is limited. Walking and standing causes the most pain.

I was put on a mood stabiliser for my depression (which worked wonders for me) but one of the side effects of those is weight gain. It seems to have been a never ending cycle of weight gain over the past 4 years or so. Getting motivated to try and lose it has been so difficult.

However, I have finally found some motivation. While exercise is still difficult, I have managed to gain control of my eating. My younger son was overweight but over the past year he has lost 5 1/2 stone! Amazing! He has inspired me to do something myself.

So, I have followed his lead and started dieting. I've used an online tool called a BMR Calculator. You put in your age, sex, height and weight, and it calculates how many calories you body uses each day if you were to just lay in bed all day, basically, how many calories it uses just living.

For me that's around 1700 calories a day. So, if I make sure I eat less than that, I'll lose weight - simple. It works too. Over the past 4 weeks I've lost 9lbs. A steady couple of pounds a week. I'm trying hard to eat better too, more vegetables and less of the 'bad stuff'. I do allow myself a little treat every day though - I need chocolate in my life!!! I keep a little box of Malteasters so I can dip in now and then and just have a couple, rather than a bag full or a whole bar of chocolate.

So... who fancies joining me?

Our paths through life.

I had  a bit of a shock today. I was at the hospital waiting to get a routine blood test when we all heard someone crying out. The voice got closer and closer until a man came into view. He was being supported on either side by 2 other people but every one had their eyes on the man making the noise.

He looked thin, grey and hunched over. A mere shell of a person. I assumed he had some kind of special needs. Other people raised their eyebrows or laughed to each other. As they led him further up the corridor the crying out got quieter and quieter until they must have turned around and came back past.

This happened about four times. On the fourth time I leaned back to see the man, but this time I noticed the woman on one of his arms. It was my cousin! I haven't seen her in several years but I recognised her immediately.

It suddenly dawned on me that the man who was crying out, was her husband. I had heard he had Alzheimer's and was in a special unit at the hospital but nothing had prepared me for this. When I looked again I recognised his face, just. His cheeks were sunken, his eyes lifeless, his body limp.

My cousin is in her early 60s so her husband would be around a similar age. They married 45 years ago and I was honoured to have been one of their bridesmaids. To see how his life had so dramatically turned around was a very sobering sight. How could a man who had been so fit, active and... well, full of life, come to this?

I know none of us know how our lives will pan out. We can only live them to the fullest and make the most of what we have. I know for sure that on their wedding day 45 years ago, neither my cousin or her new husband would ever have imagined this.